Netflix? Chocolate? Nah, Forgive.

You have to be kidding me!

Ever felt like that? You come face to face with betrayal so outrageous that you are just left a little bit shell shocked for a moment? Then the shock wears off and anger rises to the surface…

Injustice is just so hard to take isn’t it? Our brains spin for a solution only to find…

There isn’t one.

And then we feel helpless and that is even worse.

This is where I was last night. For awhile I lay on my porch swing staring up into the branches of the tulip magnolia overhead as I mentally flipped through my favorite coping mechanisms-

Rationalize the offense…

Minimize the injury…

Just numb it with Netflix…

Maybe eat some chocolate…

Nothing worked. So I hopped on my bike to ride around the neighborhood and talk to Jesus about it.

The sun was setting.

The air was cool.

The pedals turned round and round as I told The Comforter all about the injustice I had suffered and how much I had been hurt. By the time I turned for home, I knew what I had to do to find peace once again.

I needed to forgive.

Take it, Father. This one who hurt me may not be just, but You are. I entrust my hurt into Your hands. I don’t ask for You to punish her. I don’t need it. I know You are able to cover her debt to me. I forgive her.

And I meant it. I really did.

But later that night, I discovered the offense was actually worse than I originally thought! Suddenly, I was hurt and angry all over again!

In absolute dismay over my own heart, I turned to God-

Father, I really meant what I prayed earlier tonight. Now will you have mercy on me? Will you please change my heart so that it is in agreement with my choice to forgive?

Forgiveness- it isn’t easy. It isn’t simple. Anyone who leads you to believe otherwise is a liar.

It certainly isn’t pretty. No, forgiveness is a hot mess. No one in the middle of the battle for forgiveness is going to make the glossy cover of “Super Awesome Christian Families Today.”

But that doesn’t mean forgiveness isn’t beautiful.

Yes… oh, so beautiful. The beautiful, freeing work of the kingdom of God…

A work that is accomplished one stumbling step at a time.

and forgive us our debts,

as we also have forgiven our debtors.

Matthew 6:12 esv